Dating 101

A Complete Guide to Scoring a Win in the Dating Field

Story By: Jessica Tolentino, Online Editor

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Quick, do a double take. Brunette, blue eyes, mole next to her right eye at a slight 36 degrees – this isn’t another catfish – she matches her dating profile, and now it is time to make your move. But hold on a second, it is 2018, and we are living in a world of advancement here – every new relationship follows a methodical order. It is a dire and seemingly complex situation but have no worries -Cupid, your second wingman, is here to help you have the upper hand in the relationship!

1. The 28 minute and 56 second rule

So you worked up the courage to ask for him/her for their number – congratulations! I am so proud of you for making it past this difficult step. Don’t know how to start the conversation? Neither do I but I recommend starting off with “wyd” because nothing lets you get to know in depth about a person than knowing what they are doing right now on this fine sunny afternoon. After 28 minutes and 56 seconds of sending the first text check your phone for a reply. If he or she texted back while you were scrolling through your Twitter feed, dismiss that text and ignore it because nothing is more important in letting him/her know you’re interested than waiting. In fact, set a timer on your phone for 28 minutes and 56 seconds. Once the timer is up, feel free to reply with three or four words – no more and no less – then set your timer again.

2. Make him/her feel needed

After two dates, it is perfectly okay to cling and grip onto to your new bae – after all, you two are just “a thing” at this stage. But go ahead, feel free to blow up his/her phone to ask them about their day, text them good morning and good night on his/her phone, smother him/her with compliments and flirty pick-up lines but via phone. Be in contact 24/7: it’s not like you have a life or anything! At this early stage, you two are both craving attention and excitement from something new.

3. Pop the question

This new relationship isn’t entirely Facebook status yet but it is getting there. At this point, your bae is wondering when you are going to pop the question, because this relationship is getting quite serious after 3 or 4 dates. As much as she wants to settle this budding relationship, she isn’t going to do it. It is up to you – and only you – as the man in this relationship who lives in a post-20th century world where many historical women have fought for feminism (the equality of men and women) but still stick to traditional dating norms. But that is okay, you guys are probably used to it by now. Shake off the underlying fear of rejection, get down on one knee, pop that shiny diamond ring out, and ask her to be your girlfriend.

4. Be Honest

All small talk aside, you are done trying to impress him/her, mainly because you have reached your goal. So what happens now? It is time to be brutally honest, it is time to be you. Never be yourself in the early stages of the relationship: it is a rookie mistake, you’ll drive him/her away. Once you have sealed the boyfriend/girlfriend status, go ahead and reveal all the lies you have told him/her. Shed that outer layer of impressive talents, fake common interests, feckless sincerity. Next time when he/she asks for your opinion, don’t hold back and tell him/her how you absolutely hate it with a burning passion. Tell him/her you would rather jump into a pool of lava than be seen with them in those pants. Okay, maybe that was too harsh, but no worries, Cupid says to balance your diatribe with an equally powerful compliment that would be sure to brighten their day.

5. Express your love

Go ahead and tell them – face the inevitable – if it is going to happen sooner or later, might as well happen now. It has been a month since you two started dating, so you’re pretty serious right now. Tell them you love them before they meet your parents and friends.  

Let it be known

Once you two have passed first base, it is time to make it known to the world that you two are exclusive, and the only way to do so is to show everyone and everything. Make plans to both appear at parks, stores, malls, entertainment centers – every location that possess living and breathing people – to stand in the center of the place and just start making out. Even better, high school hallways: they are the perfect location to block everyone’s way as they get to class just so they can get a good view of you and your new bae. That would be a guaranteed show stopper.

To take steps even further, tell everyone. Text all your friends in your circle what is going on in your relationship. Had a recent fight? Tell Ethan all your thoughts and feelings because it will reach Kate who would tell Nick who would tell Jorge who would tell your significant other everything you wanted to say but without saying it. Make your friends involved in your relationship, it is the only way to make sure this new relationship is stable and on display for everyone to know you two are exclusive.

To conclude, I guarantee through these psychologically tested steps, your relationship will last for decades. Foolproof, certified, effective – love has never seemed this easy.

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